Biryani Mix

Biryani Mix

I chose this title as this post is going to be a mix bag of reflections as they come to me. And yes, I did really just eat some scrumptious biryani just now.

I'm slowly getting my sense of humor back 😅 it's really sad when depression steals that from you. But I'm getting better now. The smiles are coming back. I have promised myself that I will not allow anyone to get me down again. Ever. I break promises to myself so........ Let's see. 

It's such hard work.. This trying to change yourself. I remember too late that I made myself promises. But I fall and get up again. Sometimes you hear some heartbreaking comment told to you and you sink. Your vulnerable self finds everything hurtful. I have to constantly remind myself of my priorities. To be positive. To smile. To see the good in everything and everyone. Sadly the truth pisses people off. Tell anyone the truth about anything and they get defensive immediately. Claws come out. The truth annoys them. They begin to hurt you with their words and actions. But the truth ain't gonna change. People break promises and then deny making them in the first place. 

When you tell someone what not to do with the sole intention of helping them, they don't like it. 

It's oh so easy to tell me that I'm too loud. That I should turn my volume down. Did you ever once ask yourself why my tone is so loud all the time? What am I trying to drown out with my loud voice? What horror? What sounds? What pain? All that happens is that I'm judged. Too loud. But don't worry. Soon my sound will be silenced. You will hear me no more. Soon. I am forced to go against my nature..again....and keep my thoughts to myself....again. this is hard for me to do so the Universe gives me a sore throat which forces me to keep quiet. U know the sense of humour of the Universe makes me go mad at times. you wont believe what it has done to me. But i cannot fight the Universe. I tried many times and i LOST many times. We shall wait and see now what awaits in the future.


26 July 2018

i did not date the previous scribbles so not sure when i wrote it but guess what???
I'm still mad at the Universe as of today. It never hears me. All those self help books i spend a fortune buying. I follow the exercises there. No response from the Universe. I pray i meditate i ask i believe im positive. Nada results. Zero. Nothing. No signs for me. No response. No after years and years of this metaphysical stuff....i wonder if all this is just not meant for me afterall. Im meant to die without a friend. Meant to die without manifesting my millions . without my signs which i requested sooooo many times with all my heart and soul. ALL my dreams and wishes come true for OTHER PEOPLE. Never for me. It's frustrating. 

So for now im not asking anymore. I mean why should i beg God to Bless me? Why should i beg Him or Her to give me my heart's desires? Why should i be asking and asking and asking for my destiny to change? Perhaps its not meant to change. I'm meant to be lonely and angry and resentful and negative until I die. Let each day go as it wishes. I can't control my life anymore. I cannot manifest anything. no point in wishing for it. I'm Tired. 

thanks for reading. 
love and peace
Lady S 

Disney Diaries part 4

Last day in Orlando. Sad to leave the states but sadder to leave Disney world.  Felt free and child like there. Am amazed and inspired by Walt Disney's life story.  I wish i had that amount of faith and belief and enthusiasm for life. Salute!!

Im packed and ready to go . Rest of the gang is not. So wait. Onwards to Dubai for 4 nights. I cleaned up the holiday home as much as time permitted. Basics only though. Its a lovely bright sunny and warm day in orlando.

I always feel sad inside when a trip ends.i tend to bond with wherever I'm staying.  It becomes home. Its hard to leave home knowing you will never see the same place again in your life. There ws no time to sit by the poolside with a drink in the evening. Or a hot cup of tea in the morning. Too cold to enjoy the jacuzzi. I managed to walk up the road one morning for a short time. It was like being in wisteria lane ... 😊

Thanks and goodbye America. Once again i have inhaled your magic and your freedom. Someday i hope to enjoy a white christmas in New York. And to drive through route 66.

Thank you for reading.
Peace and love
Lady S

Disney Diaries

16 years ago my family and i visited Disneyworld Florida. Now 16 years later we back again to celebrate my son's 30th birthday.

Day 1 was exciting to begin with.  Started with a 1 hr flight to Johannesburg...followed by an 8hr flight to Dubai. The killer one was the 16 hour flight to orlando. Preceding which we sat on the plane for an additional hour before take off due to some technical problems. I could not handle the last 8hrs of that flight. I felt ill after being stuck in my seat and eating junk food every few hours.  Then when i went to the loo.. i was met by a filthy sight which made me gag.  I felt so horrible and could not wait for the plane to land.

Then we waited sooooo long to pass through customs and passport control.  Finally we picked up our car and got to the holiday home. Managed a grocery run and a quick lunch. Showered after 24 plus hrs of travelling and went to bed.

Day 2 has some drama. The house is not what we paid for. The car had to be exchanged. Still waiting for the house to be changed. Went to epcot.  Got our park hoppers and drove to disney springs. It was marvelous there. Got overwhelmed by the Disney goods.  Saw a live band perform.  Had fire oven pizza for lunch.  Had a cookie sandwich ice cream. Took great pics . Stopped by Wendys for a quick dinner bite.  Prep for next day. Now off to bed. Feet are tired.

Disney is magic no matter how old one gets or how many times one visits. Orlando is calm and quiet. Heavy fog this morning.  Seeing people jogging made me homesick for my daily run routine. Updates to follow.  Thank you for reading.

I give gratitude for the fine weather today.

Peace and love
Lady S