Biryani Mix
I chose this title as this post is going to be a mix bag of reflections as they come to me. And yes, I did really just eat some scrumptious biryani just now.
I'm slowly getting my sense of humor back 😅 it's really sad when depression steals that from you. But I'm getting better now. The smiles are coming back. I have promised myself that I will not allow anyone to get me down again. Ever. I break promises to myself so........ Let's see.
It's such hard work.. This trying to change yourself. I remember too late that I made myself promises. But I fall and get up again. Sometimes you hear some heartbreaking comment told to you and you sink. Your vulnerable self finds everything hurtful. I have to constantly remind myself of my priorities. To be positive. To smile. To see the good in everything and everyone. Sadly the truth pisses people off. Tell anyone the truth about anything and they get defensive immediately. Claws come out. The truth annoys them. They begin to hurt you with their words and actions. But the truth ain't gonna change. People break promises and then deny making them in the first place.
When you tell someone what not to do with the sole intention of helping them, they don't like it.
It's oh so easy to tell me that I'm too loud. That I should turn my volume down. Did you ever once ask yourself why my tone is so loud all the time? What am I trying to drown out with my loud voice? What horror? What sounds? What pain? All that happens is that I'm judged. Too loud. But don't worry. Soon my sound will be silenced. You will hear me no more. Soon. I am forced to go against my nature..again....and keep my thoughts to myself....again. this is hard for me to do so the Universe gives me a sore throat which forces me to keep quiet. U know the sense of humour of the Universe makes me go mad at times. you wont believe what it has done to me. But i cannot fight the Universe. I tried many times and i LOST many times. We shall wait and see now what awaits in the future.
26 July 2018
i did not date the previous scribbles so not sure when i wrote it but guess what???
I'm still mad at the Universe as of today. It never hears me. All those self help books i spend a fortune buying. I follow the exercises there. No response from the Universe. I pray i meditate i ask i believe im positive. Nada results. Zero. Nothing. No signs for me. No response. No after years and years of this metaphysical stuff....i wonder if all this is just not meant for me afterall. Im meant to die without a friend. Meant to die without manifesting my millions . without my signs which i requested sooooo many times with all my heart and soul. ALL my dreams and wishes come true for OTHER PEOPLE. Never for me. It's frustrating.
So for now im not asking anymore. I mean why should i beg God to Bless me? Why should i beg Him or Her to give me my heart's desires? Why should i be asking and asking and asking for my destiny to change? Perhaps its not meant to change. I'm meant to be lonely and angry and resentful and negative until I die. Let each day go as it wishes. I can't control my life anymore. I cannot manifest anything. no point in wishing for it. I'm Tired.
thanks for reading.
love and peace
Lady S
26 July 2018
i did not date the previous scribbles so not sure when i wrote it but guess what???
I'm still mad at the Universe as of today. It never hears me. All those self help books i spend a fortune buying. I follow the exercises there. No response from the Universe. I pray i meditate i ask i believe im positive. Nada results. Zero. Nothing. No signs for me. No response. No after years and years of this metaphysical stuff....i wonder if all this is just not meant for me afterall. Im meant to die without a friend. Meant to die without manifesting my millions . without my signs which i requested sooooo many times with all my heart and soul. ALL my dreams and wishes come true for OTHER PEOPLE. Never for me. It's frustrating.
So for now im not asking anymore. I mean why should i beg God to Bless me? Why should i beg Him or Her to give me my heart's desires? Why should i be asking and asking and asking for my destiny to change? Perhaps its not meant to change. I'm meant to be lonely and angry and resentful and negative until I die. Let each day go as it wishes. I can't control my life anymore. I cannot manifest anything. no point in wishing for it. I'm Tired.
thanks for reading.
love and peace
Lady S
