PANIC MODE

Covid hit home for me 15 days ago. I went to my psycologist's appointment.  Spent 1 min  in reception.  2 days later, they called to say that she tested positive for covid 19.  I had my mask on and sanitized before and after my session,  she did not wear her mask. Luckily I had no symptoms so my GP suggested no testing but 14 day quarantine. It's scary to think that you may have It but thank God I am safe and so is my family...

However the panic scenario got bad. Fear, plus feeling bad for the other people at home, plus overthinking, feeling sorry for myself.... I had some hallucinations...insomnia.... it is hectic.

I tried to talk to a few people about it but when I called them...they either just droned on about themselves,  with no sympathy or empathy for me or refused to listen to me, totally ignoring my feelings or just not talking. So my apprehension grows daily.  I distract my mind with meditation,  audiobooks, Facebook and social media.  Nothing works.  I had wine. Helped me to sleep on 1 night only, rest of the nights I'm wide awake. 

So no one to turn to. This loneliness will kill me someday.  I wish sooner. I'm tired of living like this.  So tired. 

I missed my niece's wedding due to high risk plus my daughter's pregnant and I can't put her at risk. But I do feel sad at it. I feel weepy. I have no one to tell though. Not even the therapist now. I'm internalizing all my suffering and I don't know how it will come out. I'm afraid of my panic attacks.  My nightmare might return, my hallucinations too. A downward spiral. I need a lucky break.  An outlet. When will all this end......

Thanks for reading 

Peace and Love

LADY S ♥️