LETTERS TO THE UNIVERSE

     




                                                 DEAR UNIVERSE 

Im watching the movie YOU'VE GOT MAIL.... and all i want to do is find a email buddy....laughing at the thought nw but it sounds so romantic and cosy and wonderful to be able to speak with a stranger about life's upheavals without the fear of the complications of meeting this person in real life for we all know the hell some relationships can bring be it friendship or anything else. I find the dialogue writer in this movie to be a master manipulator of words and he or she, i have yet to reach the end to read the credits...manages to add to the script feelings...of curiousity, of love of warmth....like sipping hot tea on a cold damp day, much like today. But since its impossible to find Tom Hanks in real life, ive decided to write random notes to THE UNIVERSE...so here goes :-)

As a writer i feel uninspired at times as most writers do and i was thinking the other day about what inspires me besides my feelings and emotions. Today i realise i am also inspired by certain movies and by books. As a child i was fed a daily diet of movies and off course i read anything and everything i could lay my hands on. At night i would weave an intricate plot around the original movie plot, imagining myself the heroine who finds her lost love. Sooo want to laugh now, but i recall spending many years growing up in this dreamworld. With knights in shining armour,...heroes from the acting world of course...coming to rescue me and take me away to land of bliss and love. Then you get hit with reality in a big way and that part of you gets lost in a world of changing nappies and night feeds and finally thirty years later...voila....im back in that magical land of dreams and wishes and splendidly written books that draw me into a web of wishes and wants and this time there is no knight in shining armour to wait for....i rescue myself and blog....LOL....

In childhood these daydreams were an escape from the reality of life back then. Now its a fantastic tool for manifestation....and i use it on long flights...when im lying awake at 3am...during my morning runs on the beach....and many times i just zone out in the middle of a boring conversation. Imagination is amazing. never let go of your daydreams. Its a fun and exciting world. Speaking of which....in this weeks episode of the tv show PERCEPTION...the hero goes into a virtual world..an online game. While there he moves about in his avatar...his alternate persona created by himself before he starts the game and i found it to be so AWESOME!! One can be whoever one wants in this alternate world...look amazing, meet amazing people, be amazing with no restrictions and shortcomings of the real world. wow i would just LOVE to be in this game :-)

I digress from my original post as i have forgotten what it is exactly i began writing about.....aaahhhhhh letters to the universe. 

Dear universe.... i had a great time writing this...watching the movies you send and reading those marvelous books. Thank you so much and am looking forward to more beautiful stuff and off course to your reply

love
Lady S 

DIET DAY WHAT????

                                     DIET DAY WHAT????


HELLO! Ive forgotten what day of the diet it is....!! but the GOOD NEWS is......wait for the drum rolll.....TA RUM TA RUM!!!  I LOST 1.3kgs in one month.....and BMI came DOWN frm 41% to 37%......

IM AS PLEASED AS PUNCH... HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!  my dietician was so delighted  and shocked! so was i....mainly becos im on insulin which causes me to Gain weight so the weight loss was a welcome relief..... sooooooooooooooo it can be done... :-)

all those early morning runs....sumtimes in cold weather...once in rain....once so far in humidity....are paying off! its really a WONDERFUL FEELING when you finally win! I really want to reward myself with some tasty treat like a chocolate thats not diabetic friendly :-P but alas.....i cant :-(  for now i have to do with sugar free ice cream which i intend getting tomorrow...whats life if you cannot reward urself for you hard work and perserverance? 

for now we move on with 3 small meals and 3 snacks....and yeah the main thing is that my sugar levels have reduced dramatically....they are within the range now so im very happy with the results. Going hungry is necessary sadly but i must add that im not in that state on a daily basis...there are days and then there are DAYS,... especially if im stressed...im hungry on those days but its getting better every day. my tummy is adapting to digesting smaller meals and getting full with smaller, frequent meals. 

the battle still goes on in finding support but im not goint to tell any fellow diabetics what to eat or rather what NOT to eat anymore. ea to his own. sumtimes the BEST thing to do is to BE SILENT. this gives one less stress and more peace. 

yes today i fit into a pair of jeans that did not fit me a month ago..... so im smiling all the way.....onwards we march! to dietland..... :-)

take care of your health my lovelies....thanks for reading. 

peace and love
Lady S 

DAY SIX

                                          
                                   DIET DAY SIX

Day 6 already. difficult day 6. By the evening i was starving although i had had all allowed meals and snacks. I ate 2 provita biscuits before dinner. Not allowed but hunger pangs would

not go. Now had dinner. Forgot to take my insulin dose this morning so sugar was 10 after breakfast. 

I have found that harder than dieting is handling the fact that u dont get support from the people around you. A fellow diabetic laughed at me mockingly when i told him not to eat a muffin. I am suffering to diet i said. I was crying as i was so hungry i said. Please dont do this to yourself. Dont get to the stage i am. I was trying to help becos i know the hell i am in. But i was laughed at and that hurt a lot. Half your battle is won if you are supported and encouraged in any battle u face in your life. But when you are mocked its not right. In indian homes the wife is blamed if anyone get sick. I will be asked why that person is in that state. If i say that i tried to prevent it then i will still be hung without a trial and the cherry on the top will be that i will be force to look after the culprit daily. But that is a topic for another blog. 

For now i can say that the behaviour of some people and the complete lack of support towards me is very discouraging. On the third day, after i told my dietician that my sugar levels were down and i was sticking to the diet, she said "well done!"  I was so surprised and pleased with this praise. I appreciated it so much and i mailed her to thank her. No one can succeed in life without any good comments and support. I know i cant. I am always supportive of the people around me. i expect the same. Expectations are not always met.

It is said that life is not easy. This is so true. But i hang in there. Someday i too will get my sweet reward.

Thanks for reading peeps and keep the sugar levels down.

Love and Peace
Lady S

THE DIET DAY TWO

           



                                                          DAY TWO

Today is day two. Sugar levels have come down but the price i pay is high....hunger :-(  

Had to go out to a prayer for lunch and it was hell as i could not eat a lot of food. I could have had more curry only without the roti, rice or puri but as i was out and not at home, i found it very uncomfortable to do this. As it is people were surprised when i refused to have the oily fried stuff and the soji. But not having those things was easy. Not eating enough food was tough. and i was soooooo hungry when i returned home but my meal plan forbids a second lunch so alas i had to wait until it was snack time. This made me so sad. Dieting i dont mind but going hungry? Thats really hurtful to my body especially my stomach ..and my heart... :-(  Its really really difficult to eat out whilst on a diet. 

Dinner was good though. Grilled lamb chops, baked bean salad, half a boiled egg and a roll....yummy. Will have some milo as my snack before bedtime. Still feel as if im not full though its all in my head. I ate a gud portion size and i am allowed to eat more protein which i did not and also more salad. I need to adjust to this new eating habit...its hard to forgo the delicious potato salad...the sauces and margarine on my roll. 

Well lets see how tomorrow goes. Im already dreaming of food....Immmm... 

thanks for reading
Peace and love
Lady S

THE DIET

       

                                              THE DIET

DAY ONE

Am forced to go on a diet due to uncontrolled diabetes. No ones fault but my own. Have neglected my diet since ive been diagnosed. Well i do stick to it but for a SHORT time only. So continuous high evening and morning sugar levels have forced me to visit a dietician. I am having a difficult time adjusting though the menu plan is simple and easy to follow. Less carbs, three meals a day and three snacks in between. Regular exercise. I have just gotten back to my early morning walks at the beach. I love those. They calm me in a way that hard to explain.

Now the word diet drives me crazy, its the wrong word methinks. We should use the words CORRECT EATING PLAN or something similar. The minute i hear the word DIET my mind and body go into a rebellious mood. I get hungrier than usual. I crave sweet more than usual. Life becomes a challenge. Mood switches to crazy. I felt like crying. Poor me phase. But alas what to do. If one wants to avoid the complications of diabetes one has to follow THE DIET. 

Being on insulin is no fun either. Side effects are weight gain. I am gaining slowly but steadily. The confusing thing is that different doctors tell you different things. Some say u need insulin and u can never go off it. Others say it is not necessary to be on insulin.  The dietician gives a TOTALLY DIFFERENT version. At the end of the day, I feel very very confused and worried. Am i getting the correct treatment? Who do i believe? whose advice do i follow? I hate diabetes. its a sad disease. It drains ur soul of happiness. Theres too much sweetness in ur body but ur soul is unhappy. Why cant the bitterness in my life counteract the sweetness? i feel so helpless at times  But we have to live with what we get...or rather attract to ourselves. Such is life. Make the most of what you have. 

Well onwards we march. Lets see how the days unfold. The main aim is to lower the sugar levels. I miss the good old days when i was not a diabetic :-(

thanks for reading.
peace and love
Lady S 

TRANCE..... CAN WE REALLY PURPOSELY ERASE MEMORIES AND FEELINGS??

                           CAN IT ALL REALLY GO AWAY?

I watched the movie TRANCE last night. It was an amazing story though it did drag on for too long. Directed by DANNY BOYLE of SLUMDOG fame. The story is about a thief who steals a painting and due to being inflicted a serious head injury, loses his memory with regards to where he hid said stolen painting. Then he meets a hypnotherapist who helps him to remember via hypnosis. She treats people with other problems such as gambling, over eating, etc. 

As the story continues, we see her succeeding in her endeavours but i ask the question..... can this happen in real life? well i do know that hypnosis is used to treat gambling, diet disorders etc but can it be used to erase memory? or even create new ones? 

can I be hypnotised into COMPLETELY FORGETTING certain details of my life? how awesome would that be? can these memories be taken away from me NEVER TO RETURN AGAIN? can i forget the moments that have given me pain, sadness and sorrow and keep only the beautiful memories that bring me joy? can i replace bad memories with happier versions? can my mind be manipulated to believe that all it had was good times and nothing else. can i place false memories in my head that make me happy all the time....and will this then make me happy? 

i think i need to see my therapist soon :-)

thanks for reading and stay blessed

love and peace

Lady S

JOURNEY OF MY SOUL

 




                                                    MY SOUL'S JOURNEY
                            
               
              I SEE A GLOW OF HAPPINESS, 
              A TINGLING DELIGHT!!
              A MILD, A MELLOW CLOUDINESS
              A JOURNEY FULL OF MIGHT!

              ON A BED OF FEATHERS WE FLOAT,
              STREAMING THROUGH THE NIGHT,
              A GENTLE FLICKER HERE AND THERE,
              OF CANDLES BURNING BRIGHT,
           
              AND WHEN TWO HEARTS BEAT AS ONE
              THEN THE JOURNEY'S DONE!!  


                                                                                       BY LADY S
                                                                                       06.11.2003
               

SOUL TOUCHING WORDS

                                SOUL TOUCHING WORDS


Teri Aankhon Ki Namkeen Mastiyan,
Teri Hansi Ki Beparwaah Ghustakhiyaan,
Teri Zulfon Ki Leharaati Angraiyaan,
Nhi Bhoolunga Main Jab Tak Hai Jaan,Jab Tak Hai Jaan,

Tera Haath Se Haath Chhorna,
Tera Aaayon Se Rukh Morna,
Tera Palat K Phir Na Dekhna,
Nhin Maaf Karunga Main Jab Tak Hai Jaan,Jab Tak Hai Jaan,

Baarishon Me Bedharak Tere Naachne Se Baat Baat Pe Bewajah Tere Roothne Se Chhoti chhoti Teri Bachkani Badmashiyon Se Mohabbat Karunga Main Jab Tak Hai Jaan,Jab Tak Hai Jaan..

TerI JhoothI Qasmen,Waadon Se, Tere Jalte Sulagte Khwabon Se, Teri Be-raham Duaaon Se Nafrat Karunga Main Jab Tak Hai Jaan, Jab Tak Hai Jaan. . . . . 

                                                                       BY ADITYA CHOPRA

WHEN IT ALL GOES

       

                        

                              WHEN IT ALL GOES

IN THE DARKNESS I ALWAYS SAW A GLIMMER..
IN THE SHADOWS THE SUN WOULD SHIMMER...
THE CIRCLE BEGAN AND ENDED WITH ME....
A FANTASY FOREVER BURNING...
MY HEART CLUNG TO FALSE PROMISES...
DREAMS WOVEN IN MY SLEEP STATE...
SUDDENLY IT WAS ALL RIPPED AWAY...
SOUL SHATTERS SILENTLY, IN SLOW MOTION...
A SHARD THRUST INTO MY HEART....
TWISTING TURNING PULLING IT APART....
A STATE OF SHOCK....
THEN....INFINITY OF NOTHINGNESS!!


LADY S.... 5 APRIL 2013