MY ANXIETY HAS HIT THE ROOF WITH THE CURRENT UNREST. MY AREA IS CLASSIFIED VOLATILE AS RACIAL TENSION MOUNTS. I CANNOT EAT OR SLEEP. MY DOCTOR HAS PRESCRIBED TRANQUILIZERS IN ADDITION TO 2 ANXIETY MEDICATIONS THAT I AM ALREADY ON FOR SOMETIME.
MY GREATEST FEAR IS FOR THE SAFETY OF MY CHILDREN AND GRANDSON. ONE OF MY SONS LIVES WITH ME AND IM TERRIFIED FOR HIS SAFETY. LUCKILY, THE OTHER KIDS AND GRANDSON IS IN A SAFER NEIGHBORHOOD.
MY APPOINTMENT WITH MY THERAPIST GOT POSTPONED TODAY. I UNDERSTOOD HER EMERGENCY. BUT MY HEART POUNDED, I HAD TO TALK MYSELF INTO UNDERSTANDING THAT I WILL SEE HER TOMORROW. I WANT TO OVERCOME THIS. SO A SESSION WITH HER IS OF THE UTMOST URGENCY TO ME. I ALSO STARTED MEDITATING TO CALM DOWN. DID SOME GARDENING TODAY TO DIVERT MY MIND. TRIED TO NAP IN THE DAY. MANAGED ONLY A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME. THEN CAME THE NEWS OF LOAD SHEDDING. MY HEART RACED. VULNERABILITY. I PLAYED A GAME ON MY TABLET TO OCCUPY MY MIND. BROWSED RECIPES ON INSTAGRAM. MANAGED TO STAY CALM FOR A BIT. REMINDED MYSELF THAT I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CONTROL OVER THE SITUATION. GOING TO TRY EXERCISING AND OTHER CREATIVE HOBBIES TO STAY POSITIVE.
ONLY THOSE THAT GO THROUGH THIS WILL UNDERSTAND WHAT IT REALLY FEELS LIKE. LOSING CONTROL OF YOUR SHIT. LIKE HAVING A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. WRITING HELPS A BIT. I REALIZE THAT I HAVE THIS SINCE CHILDHOOD. I JUST NEVER RECOGNIZED WHAT IT WAS.
BEING AN EMPATH DOESN'T HELP. I AM ABSORBING ALL THE FEAR AND NEGATIVE ENERGY. BUT IM WORKING HARD NOW ON GETTING BETTER. MEDS, THERAPY, HOBBIES, ETC.
I NEED TO LET GO OF ALL NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. SPREAD LIGHT. BE MOTIVATED. BE CALM. BE CLEAR HEADED. GETTING ILL AND GOING TO HOSPITAL IS A NIGHTMARE DUE TO CORONAVIRUS. SO THIS MIX BAG OF EMOTIONS IN MY HEAD AND HEART HAS TO STOP BEFORE IT DESTROYS ME COMPLETELY.
BE SAFE WHEREVER YOU ARE #ANXIETY #UNREST #DEPRESSION #BESAFE
THANKS FOR READING
PEACE AND LOVE
LADY S
shakilla.singh@gmail.com
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